on living water

It was a year ago this day that I wrote about living water. I told you in my college-aged space with my rushing, hopeful words, that I longed for us to carry this living water to each other. I wanted us to bring each other cupped hands filled with that mighty Ezekiel stream. I wanted us to love the people we didn’t yet love with a wild and living water.

Because, I typed, sitting cross-legged on my bed with my hair wet from the post-run shower, “Every living thing that moves, wherever the rivers go, will live.”

Do you ever think, while you sit next to the strangers on the bus on the way to work, that they hunger and thirst for a wilder love? That as they walk through their day, they might drink an iced tea and write emails and go to spinning class, all the while wistful for something bigger?

And you, do you ever do that? Do you ever walk along a street in what feels like the middle of the night, against the silence of stars and flickering stoplights, kicking the sidewalk with your longing? Do you ever find yourself staring out of a window, almost in tears, for no reason other than you don’t know what’s next but you wish it to be big and brave and wild and beautiful?

And do you ever stop in front of your door, frozen to the sidewalk, frozen in all that you think about admitting, but don’t want to? All that you would tell that person, or write in a letter, or sing out to the sky if only you believed you could?

Oh, me too.

Me, too.

In this, my twenty-second year, I stand outside my door. I scuff sidewalks alone after a cocktail or a coffee and think about the possibilities that terrify me. In this, my twenty-second year, I cannot leave church without crying hysterically on the strip of road between the initial right turn and the dangerous narrow left. In this, my twenty-second year, I whisper, “counseling” and “writing” and cross them off and rewrite “history” and “provost” and cross them off again and rewrite, “?” and leave it.

And now I sit, leaning late into the afternoon – and I hear His command: Hilary, give away My water.

Maybe it is that simple. We are weary travelers all, searching for a drink of water. We thirst for the living water flowing from the temple. We look at each other longingly, wondering, where is the drink of water for my weariness?

Maybe it is as simple and as difficult as you and me, traveling along the road, offering each other a drink of living water. In quiet prayers in a cold parking lot. In twenty minutes of laughter in our offices. In dinners and drinks and blog posts and daring greatly for each other. In telling you, dear reader, as scared as I am, that I am vulnerable and new to everything and afraid. In telling each other that some days, you just need to drink deep from a well of living water. That’s all.

Give away my water. 

“Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Love,
hilary

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One thought on “on living water

  1. I don’t know you in person. But your words always minister to me when I read your blog posts. I know what it’s like to struggle and want to do something with your life. I go through that all the time, too. But I wanted to encourage you and tell you, you are doing something as you blog. You’re encouraging people and loving people and thinking and growing. Sometimes it doesn’t seem to be enough. I know. But I can see it with you. Your contribution through your words are blessing and doing something. So, thank you!!!!

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